I am under no delusions of grandeur that this blog is wildly popular by any means. It serves as more an exercise in mental masturbation for me and hopefully gives the few people who actually know about it a giggle. But there has been a disturbing trend pretty much since its inception. People seem to stumble upon my little corner of the internet in search of Platypus Poop.
The top searches that lead people here are in short: platypus poop, platypus f(a)eces, platypus droppings and platypus shit. (More recently the searches have diversified into the realms of what Dobermans think, ant pile and badass chilli, though they are a small percentage.) I feel kind of bad about this, particularly if it’s some poor kid attempting to research the humble platypus and its respective poo, only to be accosted by a slightly unhinged and sweary collection of stories written by a slightly unhinged and sweary expat with a bit too much time on her hands.
It got me thinking though, how could people find this particular blog with that particular combination of words? So I did my own search and found something incredibly interesting. There is a huge hole in the interwebs regarding the toilet habits and, er, leavings of the platypus. So, young friends, I am here to help you.
As the platypus is a small mammal that has a varied diet of plants, larvae and small freshwater shrimp I would reckon that their poop is probably small and pellet like. Similar to that of a rabbit (maybe?). Deeper (much, much deeper) searching leads me to another assessment that it resembles hamster poo, but I don’t know how accurate this is because the domestic hamster and the platypus are very different creatures.
So let’s say rabbit/hamster to settle the debate. And there you have it. If there’s anyone out there that actually knows what it looks like or has a picture of said shiz, I would appreciate your input. Because, and I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing, when I do an image search for it this website pops up not once or twice, but FIVE times, on the first page no less. There is a hankering for this information, folks, so I’m just trying to fill the gap. I appreciate that my photos are turning up in a search, but I can’t imagine the thoughts that must run through people’s minds when they’re conducting a simple search to satisfy their curiosity and are accosted by a giant bowl of refried beans. Which, may resemble crap but I assure you tastes infinitely better.
Also, there seems to be another search that brings people here and that is platypus meat. And…seriously?!? Platypus meat? Why? Do people actually eat platypus?
What do they taste like?
As for the remainder of the searches- Dobermans probably mostly think about chasing things and likely don’t really care for getting pissed on, ant piles can be dangerous and painful, and badass chilli is just that. Bad. Ass.
Dear High Street purveyor of ‘delicious’ lunchtime meals,
It’s like a Dali painting. ‘Toyed it, my heart’, obscure and abhorrently delectible!
I’ll be a-giggling while I consume your soul!