Author: <span class="vcard">platypus</span>



…and I’m all out of bubblegum.

Frozen World

Fuck poker


Where they grow these mushrooms, I don’t know, but I reckon that place warrants a visit.

Really, Netflix? Reeeeeallly??

Conversations with mum (midnight showing)

Mum: I think I want to see the Avengers movie.

Me:  Avengers?? You mean X-men?

Mum: Yeah, sure that. They were doing a cheap midnight showing here but I can’t do that any more.

Me: Why?

Mum: Because I fall asleep.

Me: You fall asleep?  You pay $10 to go to the cinema and fall asleep?  So, when’s the last time you paid for a nap?

Mum:  When I went and saw the last Harry Potter film with your uncle.

Me: If you were there with him, why didn’t he wake you up?

Mum: I think he was embarrassed because he fell asleep too and didn’t want to say anything.

Me: [uncontrollable laughter]


One time…

I punched a shark, right in his stupid stinky shark face.

We’re still bros. He knew he was being a dick.


Computer enema, the things you find…

On 25 October 2011, at approximately 00.30-

If I could kick you in your asshole, I would.

Mind dump…

Things are taking a turn. Stay tuned. More bullshit to come.

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